Peace be upon u people (^_~)
I'm home. Alhamdulillah. Praise be to Allah. And that means i get to spend my first sahur (which is tomorrow) with my family though my two brothers are not here. But yeah, i feel blessed. Again, alhamdulillah.
Ramadhan's here. The most wanted month by muslims all around the world. And other races too i guess especially in Malaysia because there will be huge discounts on lots of things. yeeaayyy. Ramadhan comes and i can't hold back my tears. In fact, i shed too much tears lately and that was so not naannii. haaiisshh.
I cried after AOT paper (final exam), I cried again whilst watching hindustan movie, Ghajini (which i shouldn't), again when I sang "Biarlah Rahsia"(apekah nani?? -.-'), when I looked at the sky too, and when I did nothing. Maybe, i've been abandoned my soul for too long and now it's craving for some 'clorox' and 'light'. Too much stains, too much black holes on my heart and it's crying because of that *nangis lagi* I need to clorox my heart. Yes, I have to and I must do that.
I've been pondering about this issue for so long and now I've the conclusion. The issue is it's hard to make a change. It's a struggle. Yes. and it's not impossible too. Yes. I truly know that to change ain't like I'm gonna change into "perempuan Melayu terakhir" once I put on baju kebaya. If change is as easy as that, then i guess my long lasting wish should have been granted long long time ago. But it's hard. The surrounding makes it hard. The nafs adds more to it. *jentik dahi sendiri*
When people ask me for advice, I usually am able to serve them with the nasihat. Unfortunately, when it comes to applying to my own self, it always not an easy task. That's why people say words are easy said then done. I have to admit that. To walk the talk ain't like buat 'french toast'. heh. Not as simple as that. Hhmmm.
Of course it's not an excuse or an exit for not wanting to change to a better me. If I can't run, then i should walk, if that seems hard, maybe i'll start with crawling. Even if crawling is hard too, i should have make any move or at least a step rather than not moving at all. It all starts with a step. May this Ramadhan assists me to cleanse and cover all the black spots on my heart. May the heart gets what it has been craving for.
So people, let's be an awesome servant of Him by grabbing all the spectacular rewards that Ramadhan offers :D!!!
Selambut menyambut Ramadhan kareem.
May He never let us be astray.
May the light in our hearts never turn off.
