QS: Why a religious
woman should be prioritized instead of her beauty, wealth and rank/status?
Abu Hurairah R.A. reported that the Prophet S.A.W. said;
“Woman may be married for four reasons; for her property,
her rank,
her beauty and her religion. So get the one who is
religious and you
will prosper.”
The Prophet S.A.W. said a man’s life will strive upon
marrying a religious woman. The reason behind it (in prioritizing a religious
woman for a marriage) is that all the other three criterions (beauty, wealth,
rank) can be automatically gained.
First, let’s deal with religion against beauty. I believe
Allah’s creation is never ugly and beauty is a subjective matter as the saying
goes “beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder”. A
flawless-beautiful-drop-dead-gorgeous woman will possibly be seen as ugly if
the personality and the attitude are terrible and heart-aching. A regular and
ordinary woman with beautiful heart and ‘akhlak’ could outshine the physical
beauty that the other woman has. A religious woman will continuously observe her
attitude and that quality do not come in package with beautiful face. Such
inner beauty needs effort and patience before it forms part of one self.
The Apostle of Allah also said;
“Do not marry women for their good looks, as their beauty
might destroy
them; and do not marry them for their wealth as their
riches might lead
them to be overbearing. Marry them for their religion;
and a black and
unattractive maid who is religious is better [than them
both]”
Those who marry women because of their looks are usually
because of love-at-the-first-sight. However, one shouldn’t rely on Cupid’s
arrow to keep that spark through the marriage because beauty will fade as time
passes. After all, beauty in a wife is indeed in the eyes of the beholder
husband.
Second, religion against wealth. Wealth may be inherited
from the ancestors. But wealth also can diminish or disappear if it is not
handled carefully. Wealth cannot be sustained with the existence of spendthrift
descendants. And the probability to lose the wealth is very high if the very
descendant is a woman. I dare to say that the temptation to shop is of no joke!
If a man marries a woman because of her wealth/properties, can the marriage be
preserved when her money drains? Or will the ‘akad’ between them break into
pieces? I doubt the husband will stay beside her wife during her downfall if
money is all he saw when he married her. However, the situation will be
different if the woman knows and keenly adhere to what is stated in the Quran;
Surah Al-Isra’
(17:27)
“Verily, spendthrifts are brothers of the Shayatiin
(devils), and the Satan
is ever ungrateful to his Lord.”
Such woman will try to hold herself from over-spending
and will also look after her husband’s properties
The Apostle of Allah said (by Abu Umamah);
“The best that benefits a believer, after [possessing]
the fear of Allah The
Almighty, is a pious wife who minds what he bids her,
pleases him when
he looks at her, helps him fulfill his oath and protects
her chastity and his
property in his absence.”
(Ibn Maajah)
Besides, based on Surh Ar-Ra’d, a believer man and woman
will not let themselves and their family to live in poor. They will keep on
trying to become successful so that they can live in a descent way. They
believe that their position in life will not be lifted up if they sit still and
do nothing and their wealth may be taken back from them if they do not handle
it in a good way.
Surah Ar-Ra’d
(13:11)
“…Verily! Allah will not change the good condition of
people as long as they
do not change their state of goodness themselves (by committing
sins and
by being ungrateful and disobedient to Allah).”
Third is the rank or status of a woman. I would say that the rank or status mentioned in the hadith refers to the social status of a person. A frequently asked question would be "Does she come from a good family?" I'm not saying that it is a SIN to not own a good family background because there must be some situations that occurred in the past that make the family turn out to not be a good family. But the concern is that if both the male and the female are not of the same social status, there might be issues arise later on. For instance, if the male has a good family background; well-educated and pious family and he chooses a woman who can't even read and doesn't practice Islam in her life. Sooner or later, if any conflict arises between them, her unfortunate background might be raised up. Of course, a man should guide and teach her wife about Islam and life as it is part of his husband's obligation but one should know that there is evil who will always try to tear up the relationship. It is better to choose a person with the same rank to avoid such situation from happening. Even if is fated that both man and woman are of different rank, they should work out the relationship and do their very best to sustain the marriage.
Islam teaches the sons of Adam to tie their hearts with
women who have this one unchangeable element, ‘iman’ (faith). If they heed this
one element, come hell or high water, the marriage will always stay in-tact
(with His will). This is because both of them (the husband and the wife) know
their responsibilities and obligations towards each other.
A religious woman will try her best to look beautiful to
only her husband, protect her chastity (in order to protect her husband’s
dignity) and also protect the properties they have. One has nothing to lose by
marrying a religious woman and he actually gains something more from it. We just
have to believe in His promise and we will prosper.
Surah An-Nur
(24:26)
“Bad women for bad men and bad men for bad women. Good
women
for good men and good men for good women….”
Thus, one should also
realize that, to have someone as great as Siti Fatimah, he should be as
profound as Saidina Ali. Let us be a great person because eventually, a great partner would be sent to us :D
p/s: credits to some websites and persons that I referred to which I've already forgotten
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