QS: Why a religious woman should be prioritized instead of her beauty, wealth and rank/status?
Abu Hurairah R.A. reported that the Prophet S.A.W. said;
“Woman may be married for four reasons; for her property, her rank,
her beauty and her religion. So get the one who is religious and you
The Prophet S.A.W. said a man’s life will strive upon marrying a religious woman. The reason behind it (in prioritizing a religious woman for a marriage) is that all the other three criterions (beauty, wealth, rank) can be automatically gained.
First, let’s deal with religion against beauty. I believe Allah’s creation is never ugly and beauty is a subjective matter as the saying goes “beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder”. A flawless-beautiful-drop-dead-gorgeous woman will possibly be seen as ugly if the personality and the attitude are terrible and heart-aching. A regular and ordinary woman with beautiful heart and ‘akhlak’ could outshine the physical beauty that the other woman has. A religious woman will continuously observe her attitude and that quality do not come in package with beautiful face. Such inner beauty needs effort and patience before it forms part of one self.
The Apostle of Allah also said;
“Do not marry women for their good looks, as their beauty might destroy
them; and do not marry them for their wealth as their riches might lead
them to be overbearing. Marry them for their religion; and a black and
unattractive maid who is religious is better [than them both]”
Those who marry women because of their looks are usually because of love-at-the-first-sight. However, one shouldn’t rely on Cupid’s arrow to keep that spark through the marriage because beauty will fade as time passes. After all, beauty in a wife is indeed in the eyes of the beholder husband.
Second, religion against wealth. Wealth may be inherited from the ancestors. But wealth also can diminish or disappear if it is not handled carefully. Wealth cannot be sustained with the existence of spendthrift descendants. And the probability to lose the wealth is very high if the very descendant is a woman. I dare to say that the temptation to shop is of no joke! If a man marries a woman because of her wealth/properties, can the marriage be preserved when her money drains? Or will the ‘akad’ between them break into pieces? I doubt the husband will stay beside her wife during her downfall if money is all he saw when he married her. However, the situation will be different if the woman knows and keenly adhere to what is stated in the Quran;
Surah Al-Isra’ (17:27)
“Verily, spendthrifts are brothers of the Shayatiin (devils), and the Satan
is ever ungrateful to his Lord.”
Such woman will try to hold herself from over-spending and will also look after her husband’s properties
The Apostle of Allah said (by Abu Umamah);
“The best that benefits a believer, after [possessing] the fear of Allah The
Almighty, is a pious wife who minds what he bids her, pleases him when
he looks at her, helps him fulfill his oath and protects her chastity and his
property in his absence.”
Besides, based on Surh Ar-Ra’d, a believer man and woman will not let themselves and their family to live in poor. They will keep on trying to become successful so that they can live in a descent way. They believe that their position in life will not be lifted up if they sit still and do nothing and their wealth may be taken back from them if they do not handle it in a good way.
Surah Ar-Ra’d (13:11)
“…Verily! Allah will not change the good condition of people as long as they
do not change their state of goodness themselves (by committing sins and
by being ungrateful and disobedient to Allah).”
Third is the rank or status of a woman. I would say that the rank or status mentioned in the hadith refers to the social status of a person. A frequently asked question would be "Does she come from a good family?" I'm not saying that it is a SIN to not own a good family background because there must be some situations that occurred in the past that make the family turn out to not be a good family. But the concern is that if both the male and the female are not of the same social status, there might be issues arise later on. For instance, if the male has a good family background; well-educated and pious family and he chooses a woman who can't even read and doesn't practice Islam in her life. Sooner or later, if any conflict arises between them, her unfortunate background might be raised up. Of course, a man should guide and teach her wife about Islam and life as it is part of his husband's obligation but one should know that there is evil who will always try to tear up the relationship. It is better to choose a person with the same rank to avoid such situation from happening. Even if is fated that both man and woman are of different rank, they should work out the relationship and do their very best to sustain the marriage.
Islam teaches the sons of Adam to tie their hearts with women who have this one unchangeable element, ‘iman’ (faith). If they heed this one element, come hell or high water, the marriage will always stay in-tact (with His will). This is because both of them (the husband and the wife) know their responsibilities and obligations towards each other.
A religious woman will try her best to look beautiful to only her husband, protect her chastity (in order to protect her husband’s dignity) and also protect the properties they have. One has nothing to lose by marrying a religious woman and he actually gains something more from it. We just have to believe in His promise and we will prosper.
Surah An-Nur (24:26)
“Bad women for bad men and bad men for bad women. Good women
for good men and good men for good women….”
Thus, one should also realize that, to have someone as great as Siti Fatimah, he should be as profound as Saidina Ali. Let us be a great person because eventually, a great partner would be sent to us :D
p/s: credits to some websites and persons that I referred to which I've already forgotten